Two weeks ago I took a trip to Death Valley + Las Vegas. I was attending my third Sacred Pregnancy retreat and a Sacred Living Movement Leadership retreat. It was 10 days of awesome. Sometimes I cannot believe what a fun/amazing/beautiful job I have. I really have the best job in the world and I work with some of the most awe-inspiring women I've ever met.
At the end of our second day at the Sacred Pregnancy retreat we went to walk a labyrinth in the dessert before we completed our fear release exercise. It was one of the most powerful experiences I've had in a long time. The ground was sharp, completely covered in tiny rocks, but I chose to walk the labyrinth barefoot. I'm not sure what came over me as I kicked my shoes off to begin the walk but I'm so glad I chose to go that way. At first the steps I took weren't bad. They were a little painful at times but mostly okay. As the labyrinth went on it got more painful and I started to question my sanity. I had one hand on my belly connecting with my sweet baby and one hand closed around the rock I'd written my fears on for our release. For a few minutes I cursed myself for taking off my shoes, but slowly I changed my attitude. I'd chosen to step into the very rocky labyrinth barefoot. I'd chosen to do something hard. Because I knew that I could. It was such a lightening bolt moment for me. Why do I choose to do hard things? Because I know that I can do them. And I'm a stronger, more confident person when I finish them. I'm better for the hard things that I do.
I started to relate the labyrinth to childbirth. The way I chose to birth Everly was hard. There is no way around that. Many people questioned why I could choose the way I did but to me, it was the best way for her to come into the world. I knew that's how she wanted to be born so I did it for her. For this baby I get even more questions. We're planning a home birth that I get asked about frequently. Why would I choose something hard? Why would I choose to birth my baby free of medications? My answer... because I deeply feel that my baby wants me to and I am more than willing to do hard things for my children.
Sometimes we make choices and do hard things in life. Sometimes in a moment of crazy we step barefoot into a rocky labyrinth that takes us fifteen minutes to walk through. Sometimes we question why we did that hard thing in the first place when it would have been so much easier to just keep our shoes on. But the truth is, life isn't supposed to be easy. We can choose the hard way and come out the other side even stronger and braver than we went in. That's what I did when I walked the labyrinth.
I came out strong. I came out brave. I came out ready to release my fears that were holding me back. I came out with a deeper connection to my body and my baby and I came out ready to do this hard thing because I choose to.
amazing photo c/o Kiera Lillesve Foto