Yesterday I mentioned the thankful soul and I wanted to write more about it. Sometimes it's hard to be thankful. I know that in some ways we've been so blessed this year. Our precious Everly was born and we've had the absolute joy of watching her learn and grow. I cannot ask for anything more wonderful than that.
But this has also been a difficult year for us. Aaron lost his job and we moved our little family 5,000 miles away. We had to leave our precious puppies behind which was heart wrenching in itself. We're getting settled into our new home, our new routine, but it's only semi-permanent. We're still looking for new opportunities and ways to help our situation. Aaron has a job that pays him and gives him good health benefits for our family but it's not quite enough. We're so lucky to be with my family who love and support us through it all but we're ready to do more. We've adjusted to a new way of life. And sometimes it's hard. I'd even say that a lot of the time it's hard. There are moments when I wonder why this is the way things have gone. There are times I can pinpoint and ask myself "what if..." I try not to, but they happen. Sometimes too frequently for me. So in those times I've started something new. I take a deep breath, I concentrate inward, and I think of the things I'm thankful for.
And every single time these two are at the top of my list. Without Aaron and Everly my life would have little meaning.
I have a small confession. Since I was 11 years old, I have not liked Thanksgiving. It's not because I'm ungrateful, it's because of some particularly painful and heartbreaking memories associated with my 11th Thanksgiving. As I've grown older I've learned not to tell people that. Usually they assume I'm a brat because I don't enjoy this holiday. Slowly I've learned to let go of the hurt that accompanies this holiday for me but I don't think I'll ever completely lose it.
Two years ago was my first Thanksgiving married to Aaron and it was the first time in a very long time I've enjoyed the holiday. We spent it up at my cousins cabin, played in the snow, and enjoyed the togetherness of the family. It was also my last holiday before moving to Japan so I was particularly aware of what I was thankful for. Last year we were overseas for the holiday and spent it with some good friends of ours. It was nice to have somewhere to go instead of being alone... but it was a reminder of how much I love and wish for my big family when the holiday season comes around.
This year will be wonderful. I have my husband, I have my daughter, I have my big family to hug and share food with. I have so many things to be thankful for. They may be small or silly things but they're things I'm thankful for nonetheless.
Even though times may be hard, this holiday season I'm truly striving to keep a thankful soul.