"If my love were an ocean, there would be no more land." -13 Reasons Why
Thing on my mind: Everly is no longer a baby. She's been legitimately crawling for over a week now (no more of the scooting across the room for her). She also pulls herself up on everything and walks around the room as long as she has something to hold on to. She just wants to grow up.
Everly turning seven months old came and went without much fanfare. I was at a doula training conference all weekend and even though I was aware of my baby growing older it was easier to pretend it didn't happen because I wasn't present for every moment. Still, she continues to amaze me at every turn and insists on growing up into an amazing little person.
My lady E has grown in so many ways this month.
Everly is a big time crawler now. She began to crawl for real 6 days before her 7 month mark. She loves being able to get where she wants to go without dragging her face on the ground. Of course, her preferred method of travel is still to call out for her mama to pick her up.
She also LOVES to stand. All of the sudden she's decided she has no business sitting on the ground and she must be upright at all times. She walks around the room holding on to things. It's slow going but it's progress. I'm sure she'll be walking long before I'm ready for it. Also, if she can snatch a stool she'll push it around the room and walk with it. I've tried to capture it on video a few times but she seems to know when I'm recording and instantly stops performing her amazing little tricks.
She can climb down from the bed now. She'll crawl to the edge, slip her legs out to dangle over the edge, and drop to the ground. Our bed is intentionally low to the ground because we bed-share and we want it to be as safe as possible for our lady. She often wakes up from her naps and slides to the floor before calling to her mama to get picked up. I laugh every time I walk in the room and she's standing next to the bed. She always looks SO proud of herself, I can't help myself from being proud too.
Everly loves to talk to anyone who will listen. Often when Aaron and I are having a conversation we'll look at her while talking to each other. Her eyes light up to be included and it makes my heart happy to see my daughter happy. I can see her learning while she watches us talk.
Ever still breastfeeds for 95% of her nutrients and is showing no signs of wanting to stop. I'm absolutely thrilled with this! I want to nurse her as long as she wants me to. I'm grateful every single day for our beautiful nursing relationship. I know we are so lucky to have this relationship and it never ceases to amaze me how much comfort and love it brings to both of us. However, given the chance Ever would eat cheese quesadillas for every single meal. Or bananas.
At seven months this perfect little lady has me in awe every single day. She is so smart, so sweet, so happy, so loving. She is a delight to everyone she interacts with and she never fails to make me smile. A small part of me feels this is all happening so quickly, watching this darling grow up, but a much more prominent part of me has felt and loved every single minute of these last seven months. I adore my role as her mother. Even on the hard days.
Dear A, You are amazing. You are smart, you are kind, you are my favorite. You are the best dad I know. Our little E is so lucky to have you. I am too. She learns so much from you, and no one makes her laugh the way you do. She adores you. So do I. You are a wonderful husband and my best friend. You love me on my good days and my bad. And I love you most. Dear E, You are amazing. You are sweet, you are funny, you are so intelligent. I love to watch you as you learn from the world around you. You officially became a crawler yesterday and it was spectacular to watch. Now you fancy yourself a walker. It will happen before I know it. Your daddy and I are the luckiest to have you, our precious baby girl. Please know that everything, everything we do is for you. I love you with my whole heart. Love, S/M
On a separate and awesome note: One of my favorite bloggers, Lena B, Actually, just reached 2K on her followers and she wants to celebrate! If you'd like to join us in this little party enter her fantabulous giveaway via the fun little gadget below. Be sure to stop by Lena B, Actually and say hello! She's an awesome mom with style that won't quit (and she graces my sidebar!)- I promise you will love her!
Sometimes it's hard to see myself clearly. I can't look and see just a girl. I see my flaws, big and bold. I see the things I like too. I see it all. I feel it inside. I know the emotions that come with this face. I know the fears, the hopes, the dreams. I know the ups and downs. I know the headaches, the heartbreaks, and the triumphs. I know how far I've come in this life and how very far I have left to go. When I look at this picture I see it all.
This photograph. It's a little bit blurry, taken at 11pm after a very long (but good) day. There are tired bags under the eyes that never quite seem to disappear. Eyebrows that need shaping. A tiny top lip with an exhausted half smile. Eyes that say thank goodness for bedtime. This picture speaks volumes. This girl is only human. A happy, loved, exhausted person. A wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister. All of it adds up to me.
I'm taking another break from blogtember. It's been so much fun to this point but I would be ungrateful if I didn't pause today and remember. Thirteen years ago today. We all know what happened. A national tragedy, a terrorist attack, an unthinkable act. Did your world stop turning? I remember the feeling so well. The feeling that nothing was ever going to be the same. And I was right.
My husband enlisted in the Air Force three years later (as soon as he was old enough) and he sites the 9/11 attacks as the fuel for his fire. Before he'd wanted to enlist and serve his country. After he was even more determined. He was inspired to join a cause, to fight for something, to make a difference.
The world we live in, a world at war, is a scary one. The world Everly is growing up in is very different than the one I grew up in. But it's because of brave men and women, the everyday heroes, that we can carry on without fear. The way to let them win is to stop fighting. And we will never do that.
It started with an ear infection. It bothered me so badly that I had to visit the doctor for it. If you know me at all you know I avoid doctors unless absolutely necessary. It was bad. My husband had to work so I dropped him off that day and took the car to my appointment. The doctor said I needed antibiotics. Usually this would be no big thing. I took the prescription, picked it up at the pharmacy, and started to drive home.
Then it happened. A little voice in my head saying I shouldn't take the medication. The smarter, logical side of my brain said why not? There was no reason. My ear was aching so badly! The little voice said again, I shouldn't take it. All of the sudden everything started to fall into line in my head and I ran to a place of denial. It had been almost 6 weeks since my last period. Even on birth control my body was usually inconsistent, but 6 weeks was a lot. I turned the car around to get a pregnancy test, the whole way telling myself it was a waste of money and I didn't need to bother. It was silly to think I could possibly be pregnant right now. Still, that little voice had spoken, and like every woman who suddenly realizes her body isn't doing what it's supposed to, I needed confirmation.
I took the pregnancy test home and forced myself to use it. Then I laughed out loud at how paranoid I was being. And almost immediately threw up. But that wasn't a big deal, I'd had the flu for a few days... I thought. And almost on queue my breasts throbbed with an ache I usually only had during my period. But it was worse than normal. I shook off all the symptoms staring me straight in the eye. I was being silly. In a few minutes that test was going to come up negative and I would have a funny story for my husband when I picked him up that night.
I left the test in the bathroom and cleaned the house. I played with my puppy, I had a snack, and then I remembered the pregnancy test. I wasn't worried anymore. I knew I was making a big deal over nothing. But I refused to take my medication until I knew for sure it was safe. I'm very cautious when it comes to my body. So I went into the bathroom to throw away my negative test. I picked it up and glanced at the results. Then I stared.
I had trouble breathing.
I felt tears spilling down my cheeks and didn't bother to wipe them away.
I felt a small smile form on my lips.
I felt terrified and exhilarated.
It said positive.
It said I was pregnant.
Last Friday I skipped writing for two reasons. The first was that Aaron, Everly, and I spent the day at Salt Lake Comic Con (did you know I was that nerdy?). It was day 2 of 3 and it was amazing. All three days were. I didn't take nearly enough pictures but the memories will last a lifetime. I'll share more on that in a few days. The other reason is hard to admit. I wasn't comfortable with the writing prompt. I know these prompts are meant to push us, to make us think, and possibly to write outside of our normal realms, but I just couldn't do it. The prompt was to write about a time you were very afraid. There are few times in my life when I've felt real, true fear. Not justwatchedascarymovieandnowillhavescarydreams fear, but actually being afraid of something real. And those few times are very personal to me. So I took a break from Blogtember and I think that's okay.
I'm back today to share the results of a little personality test. If you've never taken it, give it a try. It doesn't take very long and it's pretty interesting. My results were ENFJ which honestly surprised me a little until I read the in depth descriptions. It was interesting to read things about myself and realize that they're pretty on the nose.
It starts by telling me I have an extraverted feeling. I've always thought of myself more as a social introvert. Is there such a thing? It means I'm comfortable with people, I can talk to anyone, and many people feel connected to me. My face-to-face relationships are intense.
I have an introverted intuition. There is a clarity in my perception and I'm more likely to look for a silver lining in a bad situation, rather than dwell on the bad. It also means I'm always looking for a newer and better solution to any problems that I face.
I have an extraverted sensing, meaning I'm good at managing details in the big picture. It also means that I can value things differently than others do. Something could be small and inconsequential but mean the world to me, and be almost impossible to part with.
I have an introverted thinking. Basically meaning I think my way is right. My logic will tell me so. It's called "thinking in the service of feeling." It will have the appearance of logic and make sense to me, but others won't always see it.
The (maybe) bad thing about taking this personality test is they just lay it all out there. Some things you read about yourself you won't always like (such as my logic not always making sense to others) but it's the truth. Sometimes I'll tell Aaron something that to me is a very logical conclusion and he'll point out how far off base I am. It doesn't happen often (I do try to be self aware) but when it does it makes me stop and consider all my life choices. It can be earth-shattering for me. The good thing about the personality test is it also points out a lot of my good traits. And sometimes you really need to hear that you're mostly good.
I was seven years old, playing outside, waiting for my grandma and grandpa to get to our home and start a fun day together. My grandma was a wonderful woman. Happy, kind, and always serving others. I was a sweet (or sassy) little girl who looked up to her grandma as only a granddaughter can. I don't remember what I was doing, but I know I was copying something I'd seen on tv. Something that maybe wasn't appropriate for a seven year old girl, although I didn't understand that. I told my grandma about it and she said something to me that I haven't forgotten in twenty years.
"You let the world be the world, and you just be you."
Those words stuck. I thought about them all day and all night and every day for the rest of my life. Sometimes I see people doing things and I think maybe I could be like that. Then I remember what my grandma told me. I don't need to be like everyone else. I am me. No one else can be me. So why should I want to be anyone else? I'm sure she never knew the impact that small sentence would have on me. Lucky for me, my grandma was a very smart lady.
Also, that's definitely me in this picture with my grandma. My mom was convinced I was a boy when she was pregnant with me, so all of my clothes up to about six months old were blue. It's a good thing I look pretty cute in blue, right?
Oh sweet September, you have come! And what better way to celebrate than joining in Story of My Life's Blogtember? I love September. The beginning of Fall, the changing of the seasons, the adding of sweaters and boots back to my wardrobe! It's a beautiful time. And to start it all off, I'm going to share with you a little bit about where I'm from.
I come from two wonderful people. My mama and daddy. They met and married in Florida and less than a year later baby Suzy was born. My mom had fabulous 80's hair (and rocked it!) and my dad looked like a teenager even though he was in his 20's. They are adorable, no? And they're two of my favorite people in the world.
I come from a humid and tropical place. Although I don't remember much of it from my childhood, I do remember things about Florida from visits there as we were growing up. My parents would load their six children into a van and drive from Utah to Florida to visit the family. Sometimes my mom would make the drive with one of her parents and my dad would fly because he just couldn't be away from work for that long. Can you imagine driving 3 days each way across the country with six children in your van? I remember it as quite fun but I'm sure my mother has different (and much more accurate) memories.
I come from a place of love and devotion. I grew up thinking that parents never fought and always kissed when they saw each other. Now that I'm an adult I've found that I wasn't completely crazy for thinking that. My parents may not always see eye to eye, but they rarely fight and they never yell at each other. And they still kiss every time they see each other.
I come from a world that has continually changed. I've learned many things as I've grown older but I've never stopped believing in happiness and true love. And I have my parents to thank for that. They've been happily married for over 28 years. They exist on their own, but they're better together. They're true partners in life. I'll be forever grateful for the example they've given me in this life. They've made me believe that maybe fairytales are real.