I am stepping up. Past the doubts, the fears, and the what if's. Past the worries of not being good enough or being rejected. Past the stress of failure and disappointment.
I'm getting back to real life after living in the new mom blissful/exhausted bubble. And I'm stepping up and going after things I really want. It's terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. Twice this week I stepped outside of my box, my comfort zone. The first was to apply to be a website administrator for a movement that I truly, deeply believe in. The second was to apply as a contributing writer to a blog that I adore. I've heard back (and got the position!) from the first and I just applied for the second yesterday (fingers crossed!). It's amazing to find opportunities that make my heart so happy.
Since giving birth to my darling Ever I've been trying to figure out how it all fits back together. She is the center of everything and I want her to have a mother who she looks up to. A mother who isn't afraid to tell life "I want this" and then go for it. A mother who sometimes fails but learns from it and does better next time. A mother who chases her dreams. I desperately want my daughter to have that kind of mother. So I have to be that woman.
I have to look for and GRAB new opportunities. Rarely do they come looking for me. I have to know what I want from my life and go out and get it. I hope to teach my sweet Ever that she can do anything with hard work, determination, and belief in herself. And I suppose the best way to teach that is by example.
My mom and I watched the finale of The Office today (so good by the way!) and something Pam said really struck me. She said "I took so long to do so many important things." I don't want to look back on my life and feel that way. I don't want to wish I'd started something a year ago. I don't want to regret not taking an opportunity just because I was nervous or I thought maybe it wouldn't work out right.
I'm doing this now. I'm diving in head first. I'm chasing after what I want and I'm becoming the mother and woman I truly want to be. For me and for her. It's time to seize the day!